The asker was none other than my beloved Danish boyfriend, or the panda bear as I affectionately call him. I knew that question would come sooner or later. If I was a smarter woman I would have had a prepared answer, accompanied with articles, bible verses, and a powerpoint presentation complete with flow charts and pictures.
I knew for sure he would ask after the dozens of times I would announce, “I am washing my hair tonight”. Washing one’s hair from his perspective takes less than 3 minutes in the shower and is done everyday. For me, with my long traditional locs, it was an event that needed to be scheduled. The first few times during the endeavor, he would call or text querying where I was. I would reply patiently that I was STILL washing my damn hair.
I only washed my locs about once every two weeks.
- First I had to wash it with a clarifying shampoo for my scalp and then a moisturizing shampoo for my hair, condition for 20 minutes, and then thoroughly rinse out the conditioner to avoid build-up.
- If it was an easy week I would interlock, retwist and clip the roots which took about an hour and then sit under an inflatable portable hooded dryer, an invention he didn’t even know existed. I still remember the “wtf-face” the first time he saw it.
- If it was a feeling cute week, I set it on rollers or rods or braided it and sat under the dryer for 2 or more hours to get a good solid set. It was a commitment he clearly had no appreciation for, and why would he? I never tried explaining the mechanics of it all, I didn’t want to bore him or scare him, LOL. I just figured if he wanted to know he would ask but the question didn’t come.
About 6 months into our relationship I lopped my locks off in pursuit of sisterlocks. I went into the bathroom and cut off close to 14 inches of natural hair. I didn’t discuss it with him really, I just got it in my head that I
- What was wrong with my current “set”?
- Did I really have to cut off all my hair to get them to look different?
- Couldn’t I just comb them out?
I really really was prepared for him to ask such things but he never did. He just loved me, nearly bald and all, and commented on how cute my ears were when I unveiled the new short cut after my shape up from the barbers.
There would be no dissertation on the impact of a society obsessed with the pursuit of unattainable Eurocentric beauty standards on the fragile, impressionable self esteem and self image of a nappy headed little Black girl. No explanation on the need for reprogramming and how awesome it would be if Michelle Obama or Oprah Winfrey wore their natural hair. No horror stories of me getting a press and curl and getting my ears burned or my scalp being chemically scalded whilst getting a relaxer, how my hair was constantly referred to as difficult or impossible and something that needed to be dealt with. No discussion regarding how my hair style is still not “acceptable” to some and how the most critical people of my natural hair are my own people.
Just recently during a trip to Berlin, I woke up early one Sunday and I decided I would check the blogs and photo blogs of fellow natural hair wearers. He walked up behind me and glanced at the computer screen and saw pictures and pages full of Black women talking about their natural hair.
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Wait, I'm stuck on, "complained of my head hurting" . . . SO,
IT HURT YOU TOO???? This is kinda important for me. I am tenderheaded and thought my install was almost horrific (in the hurt dept.). Then Dr. J said "It should not hurt AT ALL and should be a pleasurable experience"!!!
What's up?
My install didnt hurt during the install from what I remember but it hurt after. two women were working on my head and it was 'tight'. my second retightening hurt. no rhyme or reason i suppose
lmao!! This was one of the best written posts I've read in a while. All in all, though, a fair question. My friends (black or otherwise) look at me strangely when I say I have a hair blog. And by strangely, I mean curious, blank looks. So, I keep most of my goings-ons under wraps.
You are really gorgeous (and I love your traditional locs).
Sisterlocks install should not hurt. I was sore for a few days afterwards (like the soreness you get after new braids), but the actual process of installing or retightening should be essentially painless.
Great blog! I used to live in Hannover and now an in Norway. check out my blow when you have some free time
VK
My install did not hurt, but sometimes my scalp hurts a day or two after a retightening.
LOL is alls I can say!!!
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I remember having the same conversation with my German/Chinese hubby when we were still dating. After we were married, he started showing more and more interest in helping me twist my locs. After a couple months, he totally took over the job and for 6 years, I did not have to do anything but wash and condition them. He would pour a glass of wine, put on a good movie and do my hair for a couple of hours. He learned how to pull my hair into a bun and braid for a crinkle effect too. I did the BC a couple years ago and he always says he misses doing my hair, but he really loves my big fluffy afro. Perhaps you could teach your boyfriend to loc your hair so he can better undertand all that goes into maintaining it? It can be quite the bonding experience for you two.
oh that sounds really cute. i also have a friend who taught her german husband how to hook her up. he takes so much pride in it, he is really good. in college my boyfriend would help me remove my extensions. it was a funny sight honestly.
at this stage i dont have any interest in my partner messing in my head. he’s just not that dude. i know his strengths, and hair isnt one of them. haha. thanks for commenting